Who doesn’t love bacon? It’s one of the greatest foods ever. And you can be a part of a church with bacon right in its name! Who would want to pass that up?
Every now and then, I actually do open the random emails I get in my gmail promotions folder, and I was really glad I did when I saw the “7 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Bacon” email from the Baconeers. It taught me something I definitely didn’t know: there is a UNITED CHURCH OF BACON. Maybe more surprising? It has more than 13,000 members. I know, I can’t believe the number is that low, either!
Now, members of the United Church of Bacon don’t actually worship bacon as their lord and savior. It’s not the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. The UCB is a legal church based out of Las Vegas that is basically opposed to all religions. From the UCB website:
We chose a funny bacon name to expose how wrong it is for society to give automatic respect and special legal privileges to religions. Is our saying we worship Bacon really any stranger than Catholics who say that communion wafers become the body of Christ? Unlike God, who is invisible, at least we can see Bacon. Bacon is demonstrably real.
The church’s mission statement aims to “fight supernatural claims” while fighting discrimination against atheists. “We expose religious privileges as silly by claiming the same rights for Bacon.”
My favorite part of the church? They have commandments (pictured at right) and they even have their own prayers, called Bacon Devotionals, which play on the usual Christian ones, but substituting bacon whenever they can. Let’s take a look at one of my favorites, the Crispy Creed:
I believe in Bacon, the Friar Almighty, King of all breakfast meats;
and in Juicy Crisp, His only Son Our Lard,
Who came from the belly of the pig, removed from the side, stripped from the back, was sliced, knifed, and was butchered.
It descended into brine; the third day He rose again uncured;
It ascended into the pan, and sitteth at the right hand of eggs, the breakfast platter; from thence it shall be eaten at lunch and dinner.
I believe bacon brownies, bacon flavored vodka, bacon ice cream, bacon flavored toothpaste, bacon wrapped scallops and bacon & donuts.
The website for the United Church of Bacon has all the information you need to become one of its 13,000 members, and you can also become a minister in the church, which will give you the ability to perform (free) wedding ceremonies, which are apparently performed at the Nevatican. Of course it is.